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I have a meltdown

27 Mar

Anyone reading this blog with some dieter schadenfreude in mind, this one is for you…

Remember Peanut Butter Toast Crunch? If you don’t, allow me to describe it for you. It had that melty texture that is crunchy and soggy all at once, much like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, with the overly sweet, almost nutty flavor of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. It was high on the list of my favorite cereals until it was discontinued a few years ago. I have watched for it nearly every time I’ve walked down a cereal aisle since then.

Imagine my excitement last weekend when it reappeared on shelves. They call it “new,” but as far as I’m concerned, that’s like calling a resurrected phoenix a newborn. And it’s here just in time for Easter!

So, I bought a box.

The first night, I measured out 3/4 of a cup of cereal and 1/2 cup of milk. It’s not quite like I remembered. It actually tastes more like real peanut butter, which is good, if a little disappointing that it wasn’t exactly like my memory.

The second night, I measured out 3/4 of a cup of cereal, sliced up a banana, and mixed in a container of vanilla yogurt. It was divine.

About 15 minutes later on the second night, I measured out 3/4 of a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of milk. It was lovely.

About 5 minutes after that, I poured the rest of the box in a bowl with some milk and dug in. Part way through, I recognized that I was engaging in compulsive eating. A couple of more bites in, I recognized that I wasn’t even enjoying it. A few more bites in, I regained control of myself and dumped the rest in the sink.

I tracked it all (I figured out the number of servings based on the total in the box, minus an estimate of what was left). I felt ill for most of the rest of the night. Here’s the surprising part: even though I wish I hadn’t bought it in the first place or I had enjoyed one bowl and left the rest in the company kitchen, a not-insignificant number of times today I’ve found myself thinking, “I should have finished the bowl.” As if it was an opportunity missed.

Friends, this cannot be normal. I am fully aware that part of what happened yesterday was that a very stressful day piled up on me until I was looking for escape. I was upset and tired and at the end of my rope. I wanted desperately to get out of the house. The better choice would have been to go for a run, but that’s still not an option.

On the one hand, this is making me appreciate the ways I’ve changed my habits over the years so that disasters like this are pretty rare. On the other, I clearly need to do a little “me” work so when I can’t sweat it out, I don’t eat my feelings.

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Posted by on March 27, 2013 in weight loss

 

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