I’m feeling like writing in chronological order today, so I’ll start with what happened last night. My roommate (who has only been my roommate since Thanksgiving), noticed me putting yet another sandwich on lettuce instead of bread and finally asked whether I’m low carb or just don’t buy bread. I explained that it’s a little of both (bread always goes moldy on me), but that I was trying to avoid carbs.
I told her about my fainting and the times I’d gone paleo and about what I learned from the doctors and Why We Get Fat. I said I was feeling good and so for now, I was planning to stick with it for a while. That I thought I might have been carb addicted and that my thoughts are clearer and I feel better without carbs in my diet.
I also admitted that it’s hard during the holidays and that I’d not been successful very many days in a row. I told her about how I thought of myself and my weight differently after that book and how I’d released some of the shame I’d been carrying around for so many years.
She is overweight. Not grossly overweight or anything – not even enough that I think it concerns her. It would concern me if I were her, but different people are comfortable in different bodies. I had told her when she first moved in that I was avoiding sweets because I wanted to get back in shape and she did that thing that women do where she told me I was fine and sort of made me defend my weight loss. I assume this is partially because I am a little more fit than she is. When I explained that I can’t MOVE the way I used to, in life or in my martial arts, and that I’m not just not comfortable, she acknowledged that I was doing the right thing.
She did remind me that carbs are the bottom level of the food pyramid, and I said there is some science that suggests the food pyramid is wrong. We discussed the difficulty of knowing which “scientifically recommended” diet is right. The studies all seem to contradict each other, so how do you pick one. I see that logic as a convenient way for people to pick the one they enjoy the most, rather than the one that is the best for them. I didn’t say that, but I did agree that it’s hard. I said the grain-based diet had clearly not served me well and so I was going to keep with this as long as I am feeling better.
I had expected her to argue more with me because she is someone that enables and that needs enablers. In some ways, being able to say I’m doing this because of my POTS shuts that down. She can write off her own behavior by saying that she doesn’t have the same issues I have and she doesn’t have to feel guilty about not watching what she eats around me. In truth, I don’t care what she eats. The only thing I disapproved of in her dinner last night was that she put peas in her mac and cheese, and that’s gross. Peas belong in a pod.
So, there’s that.
Here’s the cool accomplishment part. I was paying my bills today and when I reviewed my bank statement, I realized that I haven’t eaten fast food in over a month. When I started this, I was eating fast food at least a couple of times a week, if not more. I didn’t make any sort of conscious effort to eliminate it, I just could never think of something a fast food restaurant would offer that I could eat. Accidental accomplishment #1. (accicomplishment?)
I have also reduced the amount I spend at restaurants by more than half and my grocery bill is only only marginally higher, so that my total food spending is down by about $150/month. Accicomplishment #2.
Current weight: 179
It has been 0* day(s) since I’ve eaten not-allowed carbs.
*Yeah. After a full week of being totally on track, I ate a caramel today. I made a new batch to give as gifts and I don’t like to give them away without eating one to make sure the texture turned out OK. I’m not beating myself up about it, but I also don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen.