RSS

Peace Out

After my last post about planning to run after work, I was in a pretty brutal hit-and-run car accident on the way home and landed back in a bed-ridden state for the rest of the week. I know it’s silly and superstitious, but I feel like every time I post something on here about a new start, life comes along and slaps me down. So, I’m going to indulge this illogical fear and take bombolatty off-line for a while.

Thanks for listening.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Tags:

Where’d I go?

So much for accountability via blogging. It turns out, you can just NOT write anything and then you don’t have to ‘fess up to anything.

But, then I suppose you also don’t get anywhere.

So, here’s what I’ve been up to. On Easter part 1, I had a massive fight with my mother, who now seems to not be returning my calls. I oscillate between frustration and relief. The week after that, I ate moderately well, though I’m still not getting any exercise.

Last weekend, Easter redux, I visited my dad and his wife. It was a lovely time. In between, I have been cramming my cram hole with cinnamon rolls, custard, pizza, indian food… All kinds of bad stuff.

Friends, I’m not even going to try to justify it. Basically, I have had zero self-control. I’m in one of those funks where I just don’t care enough to even try. I strongly suspect that getting some exercise would help. It has been raining the past couple of days but tonight it looks like it will be dry (if dark and cold) after work, so maybe I’ll work up the motivation to try a run on the ol’ injured ankle.

Or maybe I’ll buy myself some pie instead. Only time will tell.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 9, 2013 in weight loss

 

Tags: ,

Through the candy gauntlet

Easter is not my favorite holiday. I have as many memories of my parents fighting or forgetting the holiday as I do of egg hunts or chocoate bunnies. By now, it’s an obligation to travel and a minefield of chocolate and peeps and cheesy potatoes.

This year was a gem. My mother and I ended up in a monster fight about absolutely nothing. Some of it was the same old emotional destruction, but I honestly think some of it was due to pie. We’d had pie and ice cream and I think we were crashing and cranky. Watching my toddler niece the next day, all I could think was that her behavior would have fit right in.

I ate too many gummy candies, but otherwise I did OK. And now we’re through the food-based holiday season. thank goodness.

I don’t have much to say, but it’s weigh-in day, so here you go.

Current weight:183

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 1, 2013 in weight loss

 

Tags: ,

I have a meltdown

Anyone reading this blog with some dieter schadenfreude in mind, this one is for you…

Remember Peanut Butter Toast Crunch? If you don’t, allow me to describe it for you. It had that melty texture that is crunchy and soggy all at once, much like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, with the overly sweet, almost nutty flavor of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. It was high on the list of my favorite cereals until it was discontinued a few years ago. I have watched for it nearly every time I’ve walked down a cereal aisle since then.

Imagine my excitement last weekend when it reappeared on shelves. They call it “new,” but as far as I’m concerned, that’s like calling a resurrected phoenix a newborn. And it’s here just in time for Easter!

So, I bought a box.

The first night, I measured out 3/4 of a cup of cereal and 1/2 cup of milk. It’s not quite like I remembered. It actually tastes more like real peanut butter, which is good, if a little disappointing that it wasn’t exactly like my memory.

The second night, I measured out 3/4 of a cup of cereal, sliced up a banana, and mixed in a container of vanilla yogurt. It was divine.

About 15 minutes later on the second night, I measured out 3/4 of a cup of cereal and 1/2 a cup of milk. It was lovely.

About 5 minutes after that, I poured the rest of the box in a bowl with some milk and dug in. Part way through, I recognized that I was engaging in compulsive eating. A couple of more bites in, I recognized that I wasn’t even enjoying it. A few more bites in, I regained control of myself and dumped the rest in the sink.

I tracked it all (I figured out the number of servings based on the total in the box, minus an estimate of what was left). I felt ill for most of the rest of the night. Here’s the surprising part: even though I wish I hadn’t bought it in the first place or I had enjoyed one bowl and left the rest in the company kitchen, a not-insignificant number of times today I’ve found myself thinking, “I should have finished the bowl.” As if it was an opportunity missed.

Friends, this cannot be normal. I am fully aware that part of what happened yesterday was that a very stressful day piled up on me until I was looking for escape. I was upset and tired and at the end of my rope. I wanted desperately to get out of the house. The better choice would have been to go for a run, but that’s still not an option.

On the one hand, this is making me appreciate the ways I’ve changed my habits over the years so that disasters like this are pretty rare. On the other, I clearly need to do a little “me” work so when I can’t sweat it out, I don’t eat my feelings.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 27, 2013 in weight loss

 

Tags: , ,

In which I smell delicious

This weekend, I finally made an honest-to-goodness effort to get on track. I went grocery shopping and cooked up a storm yesterday. I have hard boiled eggs for the week, cold shrimp salads for dinner, and some tikka masala for lunch. The tikka masala was some overnight crock pot action that cooked while I snoozed last night, so my whole house smells and I catch a tempting whiff every time I move. I haven’t had any yet and I’m looking forward to lunch to heat it up.

Since I’ve switched from straight-up low-carb to WW, yogurt and fruit are back in my life. Yogurt with a sliced banana is one of my favorite foods, so having that to look forward to in the evening makes is significantly easier to stay on track during the day. I guess I’ll see whether that’s sustainable for me in the end.

So far, it seems to be working. I feel better and the scale is down a bit from last week when I had my minor freak out. I’m also eating more fish (mostly tilapia), and I heard somewhere once that fish is an anti-depressant. I heard that on John Tesh’s radio show and it was supposed to be fish in combination with beets, so I don’t know how much faith I should put in a filet to improve my mood. I am feeling better, and that’s what’s important.

I have a follow-up appointment for my ankle on Thursday and I’m hopeful that I’ll get the green light to start running again. I’m trying not to get too excited about it, lest I end up in a bad news spiral again, but the possibility is there.

Anyway, in the spirit of blog accountability, which is what this was supposed to be, I’m going to start posting my weight again, but only once a week. I’m trying to obsess less.

Current weight: 183.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 25, 2013 in weight loss

 

Tags: , , ,

On dating fat

A case study on how I feel about three men.

First, there is the BFF. He’s one of my oldest friends and I adore him. We laugh constantly, he’s smart, he’s grounded, and his only fault (as far as I’m concerned) is that he dates PYTs. They’re usually blonde. His currently girlfriend (whom he professed to be “about to dump” 3 months ago), rags on him nearly constantly. She’s young and likes attention and seems to like him mostly because he likes her, not because she actually enjoys his personality.
Even when the BFF is single, I don’t flirt or ask him out because he is extremely fit (like, runs 8 miles a day fit) and I assume he’ll want nothing to do with me.

Then, there is the almost-ex. We dated for a blink last summer. He’s quiet and thoughtful. He doesn’t challenge me or make me laugh like the BFF, but he’s sweet and considerate. He treated me well. He’s overweight. He has been in touch lately, and I’ve been thinking about dating him again. I am confident and comfortable around him because I don’t worry about him finding me attractive.

Lastly, there’s the new guy. I met him last week at a party. He’s smart as a whip and funny, but I got the impression that he didn’t hear that enough when he was young. He chews tobacco and works a crappy hourly job even though he’s in his 30s. I suspect he drinks too much. He made a joke that he’s a bad influence on himself and he needs someone to clean him up. I was smitten by his humor and charm. As a professional, self-reliant, successful woman with her life mostly in order, I should be dismissing this guy out of hand for being a mess. Instead, I’m considering him not an option because I assume he won’t find me attractive.

Obviously, this is a gross over simplification. None of my feelings for any of these guys is that simple. BFF has a habit of being in shitty relationships with these PYTs and I don’t want to be in a shitty relationship. Almost-ex is the sort of guy who would be on board with self-improvement and would probably come along on this journey with me. And if I really thought the new guy wasn’t an option, I wouldn’t be spending so much time thinking about the new guy.

It’s interesting, though. What it keeps coming around to is that I feel like I don’t want to settle for the guy who drinks too much or the guy who isn’t that funny, but I’m asking each of them to settle for the girl who’s fat. Is that fair? And is it even really settling, or is it just admitting that no one is perfect?

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 22, 2013 in weight loss

 

Tags: , ,

Bombolatty and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad evening

We all remember yesterday’s post about needing a new start, right? On the way home from work, I stopped at the grocery store and bought produce and a lovely filet of tilapia. I cut up an orange bell pepper, sauteed some fresh spinach in a little olive oil, and baked the tilapia with some seasoning and lemon juice. I took the fish out of the oven feeling pretty proud of myself and as I was transferring it to my plate, the glass baking dish exploded and spewed shards all over my dinner. Bummer.

I cried a bit because I felt defeated, ate an apple, felt better, and decided to go get a new baking dish. After all, I didn’t want to give myself an excuse tomorrow because I didn’t have appropriate bakeware.

On the way home from the store, a little warning light came on in my car. Keep in mind that I bought this car after I crashed my other one in a snow storm in late December (I bought this one 4 days before I rendered myself unable to drive), so I’m not super familiar with all the warning lights yet. I was on the belt way, so I decided to pull off at the next exit. Before I got there, the rubber rolled off my drivers’ side tire. It just rolled away behind me.

Roadside assistance came and put a spare on. It came free with the car and even though I have sometimes wanted to have the chance to change a tire, I didn’t feel like last night was the ideal time to try it. Also, it’s cold outside. I had pulled off the belt way to be a little safer because it was dark and the tow guy tells me I probably did damage. My bad.

I got home, walked in the house, and saw the pieces of glass I’d left on the floor because they had been too hot to touch. This reminded me of the soup and banana I left in my car. I’d gotten them Target and buried them under car papers when my tire fell off, so I forgot to bring them in. By that time, I was nearly as deflated as my tire and couldn’t muster up the strength to wrestle with my brace to get my shoe back on and limp back out to my car.

I had some yogurt and I’m calling it a night. I generally try to avoid two posts in one, and both of the posts today are longer than I typically like as well. It’s just that kind of a day.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 16, 2013 in weight loss

 

Tags: , , , ,

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.